My Messy Truth About Making Real Friends on Substack & Medium

Click, Connect, Care: A guide to being human online.

Feb 03, 2025

You know that weird feeling when you're scrolling through your social media feed, surrounded by hundreds of "friends," but somehow feeling completely alone? Yeah, I've been there too.

Let me tell you a story.

Last year, I hit 8,000 followers on Medium. I should've been thrilled, right?

Instead, I stared at my phone, wondering why none of these connections felt real. I was getting likes and the occasional "great pic! 🔥" comment, but something was missing.

Here's the thing about our digital world: We're more connected than ever, yet many of us are lonelier than ever.

Ironic.

When I Finally Got Real

I reached my breaking point during one particularly mindless scrolling session.

I liked posts from people whose last names I couldn't remember, and then it hit me: I needed to clean the house.

So, I did something that felt scary then—the real me.

I started writing about my struggles working from home (hello, forgotten Zoom unmute button). I shared about the time I bombed a presentation I'd spent weeks preparing.

And you know what happened?

People started reaching out with their own stories—real stories, not highlight reel stuff.

Making It Work (Without Losing Your Mind)

Through a lot of trial and error, I've found some ways to build genuine connections online without feeling like I'm just shouting into the void:

First, I stopped trying to be everywhere. Instead of juggling five social platforms, I picked two where I enjoyed spending time.

For me, that meant diving deeper into Substack and a small Discord community focused on creative writing.

I also changed how I interact with others. Instead of dropping quick emojis, I left comments that showed I read and thought about what someone shared. It takes more time, sure, but it's led to some fantastic conversations and friendships.

The Awkward But Important Part

Let's talk about vulnerability for a second.

Putting yourself out there is scary, primarily online, where everything feels permanent.

The first time I shared a post about my anxiety around public speaking, my finger hovered over the 'publish' button for what felt like hours.

But I've learned that your messy, imperfect stories often help others feel less alone. When I shared my public speaking fears, I received messages from people I'd always seen as super confident, telling me they dealt with the same thing.

Technology: Friend or Foe?

I'm not suggesting we all become digital hermits—that ship has sailed. (Plus, I like my Netflix subscription.) But we can be more thoughtful about how we use technology to connect.

Instead of mindlessly liking posts, I schedule virtual coffee dates with online friends. We hop on video calls, drink coffee from our respective corners of the world, and have actual conversations.

Yes, sometimes the internet cuts out, or someone forgets they're on mute (usually me), but that's part of the charm.

The Bottom Line

Building authentic connections online isn't about having the perfect profile or the most followers.

It's about being brave enough to be yourself - typos, bad hair days, etc.- and finding your people, even if they're scattered across different time zones.

So here's my challenge to you (and myself): Let's make our online presence more human.